


"You had a gun this whole time?"

by y33t



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Morons and Mathrocks (D&D Story), Original Work
Genre: Gen, crackfic, has a gun, has shooting maybe even killing, has swearing, my dnd party, the things my party does but what if one of them had a gun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24537397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/y33t/pseuds/y33t
Summary: The events in my dnd party but what if during each of those events, one of us had a gun.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Crusty's turn

The awkwardness in the room thickens like a cloud of smoke, making everyone uncomfortable. A tabaxi by the name of Cloudtop wanted to talk to Fruhand's sister in private, leaving Jack, Crusty, Fruhand, Skira and Trensus. Nobody seems to want to strike up some conversation.

Because of this, Crusty became a bit agitated, and decided to see what's up with their recent guest. He goes to the door, which is slightly ajar, and peeks through.

Then, he sees Cloudtop wielding a dagger, pointed to Fruhand's sister. He considers his actions. He reaches for his .375 magnum at his hip. He springs into action, aiming directly at the head, and pulling the trigger. The magnum fires, making a loud noise that sounds like thunder. The bullet flies with electricity coursing through it. Unfortunately, he doesn't have very good aim. Instead of Cloudtop's head, he shot the stone wall behind her. Interestingly enough, the wall started bleeding and shifting around like slime.

Crusty had a realisation just then. He was in a mimic, disguised as a house. Before anyone could react, the floor opened, revealing teeth and a long tongue. Everyone gets eaten by a house.


	2. Jack's turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Jack has a gun

Jack didn't know what to expect when he ran after a scream coming from an alley, but he did not expect his friend, Froara, being taken hostage by a half-orc. The half-orc has a tight grip on Froara and slowly backing away. The rest of the party are unable to do much, as the half-orc is threatening to snap Froara's neck if they step closer.

Fortunately, Jack has a gun. A 9mm pistol, to be exact.

Jack sneaks into the crowd, waiting patiently for a good shot, when finally, he gets it. He aims, takes a deep breath, and takes the shot. He shot the half-orc's kneecap and proceeds to shoot his arm when the half-orc fell on his knees, allowing Froara to escape his grasp.

He walks up to the half-orc, pointing the gun to his head, and says "The game was rigged from the start kid, sorry". Jack then shoots the half-orc right in the head. The Fallout: New Vegas theme then plays in the background. Jack and his party then goes back to their task at hand, running a scheme to usurp Mr. House.


	3. Froara's turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Froara has a gun

As far as Froara was concerned, she thought she was a pretty calm person when under pressure. But she did not feel calm at all after narrowly dodging a fireball spell, and seeing 2 of her party members and 2 other people collapse from the blast.

She did not like this frog person they were fighting, not one bit. Thankfully, she had a plan. She pulled out her FN Baby Browning and took aim. 

Because of her small size (she is only 11 years old after all) she couldn't get a bigger gun. But she also had a different edge. She had supernatural powers granted by a god. Any gun is a powerful gun when used with those powers.

Froara took a shot at the frog person, purple wisps of eldritch energy twirling around the bullet, ultimately not hitting the frog person. Froara realized that this frog person was more agile than she thought. The enemy jumped and clung to the ceiling like a spider, disappearing into the dark.

Froara knew she had to be smarter to defeat the enemy at hand. She saw Skira standing at the side, slightly wounded but still able to fight, and formulated a plan.

She yelled at Crusty, "Crusty, next time he comes down, distract him!"

Crusty gave her a nod, pulling out his thunderous smite infused great sword, preparing for the enemy.

Froara ran to Skira, and explained her plan. Skira agreed to the plan, putting her hands on Froara's sides. The second the enemy showed up next to Crusty, Skira flew behind the enemy, high up in the air. When Crusty swung his sword at the enemy, he jumped behind him, putting him between Skira and Froara, and Crusty. At this moment, Froara knew her plan would work. She took aim, and shot directly into the enemy's torso. The eldritch energy causes the bullet to become almost like a laser, going right through his chest. 

That also meant Crusty had a bullet going into his direction. Luckily, he managed to use his great sword to reflect the bullet. The thunderous energy from his sword clashes with the eldritch energy from the bullet, causing the bullet to fly back and embed itself into the frog person once again. He fell flat on the ground.

After all was said and done, the group was standing around the body. Froara then said "I guess you could say he croaked". The ceiling then collapsed, killing the whole party.


	4. Fruhand's turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Fruhand has a gun

When Fruhand, Jack and Crusty made it back to the temple, a lot of things have happened since. Cloudtop was hurt with a peculiar wound and the party sent her to the clerics' temple. Skira was kidnapped by a wind elemental, and many more things have happened.

Fruhand doesn't think anything could go any worse at this point, but he is about to be proven wrong. When the party (or what's left of it) gets back to the temple, they hear screaming from inside that was followed by people stumbling over each other, more than eager to get away from... something.

They were gonna ask someone when suddenly a frog person busted through the front door of the temple. The frog person currently looked like it was more confused than anything.

The party however, did not use their brains and instead of going through things with a clear mind, they instead fought the frog person head first. Although the party outnumbered the frog person 3 to 1, Fruhand thought they could do with more people on their side. He had a brilliant idea then. He reached into his backpack, pulling out a gun. Not an actual gun mind you, Jack already took that when he saw Fruhand trying to shoot a dart board in a tavern. Fruhand instead had a gun that shot rubber bands. 

As bad as that sounds, Fruhand can make do with what he has. He puts his backpack on the ground and rummages through it to see what he can use to make his gun more threatening. Suddenly, a banana wearing a small backwards snapback cap jumps out of his bag and says "Hey, want some help!?". Fruhand nods and soon enough his gun slowly turns into a real gun. The banana then says "Be careful of the teifling!" and phases out of existance.

Well that was weird, Fruhand thought. Oh well, he has a gun now, so he might as well use it. He points it at the frog person and pulls the trigger, and... oh, it just looks like a gun. It still shoots rubber bands. Well, plan B it is then, thought Fruhand, while looking at some bystanders at the side. He shouts at the bystanders and says "Hey! Help us!". The bystanders all shake their heads and start to walk away. Fruhand then points his gun at them and says "I didn't ask.". Fearing for their life, the bystanders try to fight the frog person.

The bystanders did not do a good job at fighting though. But one of them did go barrelling towards the frog person, clashing against it and even pressed his lips against it. Right as that happened the frog person turned into a gigantic toad. The toad then swallowed the person who kissed it and proceeded to jump away.


	5. Skira's turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Skira has a gun

Damn, Skira thought, this was not where i wanted to be. She was currently trying to get out of a cave with Fruhand's sister, Arviel, after being kidnapped by wind elemetals. She is really sick and tired of being sick and tired at this point and she just wants to drink some mead or something right now.

As they keep walking they hear footsteps coming from the direction they are going. Luckily, Skira was sober, so she wasn't gonna be that careless. She pulled out her derringer, cocking the hammer and holding it ready towards the dark path ahead.

She saw two figures walking towards them in the dark. At first she wanted to just shoot them but waited to make a better plan. She put her gun behind her back and walked normally. One of the two people spoke up and said "Miguel must take you to the leader, follow Miguel or Miguel will force you.". Skira stopped and watched the two figures get closer.

Skira waits for the right moment, and as soon as the two figures are in place, she shoots her shot at Arviel, putting a bullet in her head, but also causing the bullet to ricochet to the heads of the two figures, killing everyone except for Skira.

Skira then walks to Arviel and pecks her forehead like a sort of kiss and says "You'll be fine.". Arviel then sits up with a jolt and says "WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?". Skira gets up and says "lmao idk i thought it was funny.". 

The Seinfeld theme then plays in the background with so much reverb and echo from the cave's terrain, it is less goofy and more uncomfortable, especially with the laugh track, which sounds more like maniacal than anything.

Arviel looks in terror as she sees souls and spirits flying around Skira, presumably her victims. And out of the corner of her eye, she sees a soul that looks like... No... It's Danny Devito... "You monster..." Arviel says.

**Author's Note:**

> If you are not from my dnd group, here's a quick rundown of our characters.  
> Crusty is a warforged paladin  
> Jack is an elven rogue  
> Froara is an elven warlock  
> Fruhand is a half-elf bard  
> Skira is an aarakocra ranger


End file.
